Almost Past a Major Hill

Yesterday I went shopping with one of my best friends. The retail therapy was exactly what I needed. While taking advantage of the major sales I realized I'm still down a pant size than where I've been for years, I'm almost one size away from the smallest I've ever been. That means if I can get two more pant sizes down I will be officially proud of myself and past a mountain that I've worked my whole life to battle.

We attacked the shirts to see what we could find. There's usually only one size that I can fit on tops at this specific store that I usually shop at. I tried on a cute ruffly white top...and it was TOO BIG! My friend and I looked at each other and elated I softly shouted, "It's too big!" I was so excited. There were some shirts in the store that fit, but for the most part, are starting to fit rather baggy.

We stopped by Gap to pick up something my friend needed. While she did her stuff I browsed the clearance section. A lot of shirts were there that we a larger size. I figured, why not grab a couple and try them on. They fit! I haven't fit into Gap shirts for over four years.

What a blessing in my life to see that I've come so far! I still have the mountain to constantly battle, but I'm so proud of the work that I've done. I couldn't have done it without the support of my family and friends. I'm learning to balance my crazy busy life and fit in healthy meals and exercise. I am truly blessed.

White Christmas

Today I went to a play on BYU campus with some friends. It was excellent! One of the best plays I've ever seen. It was witty, comical, excellent choreography and dancing, and the music was very well done. I enjoyed it greatly. I love the movie and all, but this had to be ten times better. Seriously! Even better is I got a picture with my dear friend Randi. I realized we don't really have any pictures together and she and her small family will be moving this summer so I snagged her from her husband stood in front of a Christmas tree and snapped a shot. I'm so excited I got a picture with her.

Start The Holidays Off Right

I love journal writing, it helps to relieve so much stress. I finally finished my last journal. It took me so long to finish because I don't write as much when I'm in school. I started a new journal Monday and it's absolutely beautiful. I figured now was a great time to start with the Christmas holiday approaching. I want to start a personal log of my thoughts of this special season focusing on the Savior. I'm really excited to start this new adventure. I know that often I have good intentions and do it a few days and then I get busy or forget, but this one I don't want to forget. I even put a reminder in my phone to go off at a time that I know I'm available. That way I can drop whatever I'm doing and write at least a paragraph. I'm excited to look past the worldly view of Christmas and focus on building my relationship with Christ.

Pictures

In one of my classes we were doing a digital camera project. It's been a lot of work, but really fun. We were required to do some research on the importance of taking pictures and I found a site that encouraged people to take pictures all the time. Even every day! They called it the 365 challenge. I thought it was pretty cool, in the sense to take more pictures so I thought I'd add some from my Thanksgiving weekend.




This is one of a person I adore greatly. She's usually to impatient for my dinosaur of a camera to actually take pictures and they turn out blurry and not at all what I wanted. I was ELATED with this photo. Didn't hurt that I used Picasa to touch is up a little.

Mom wanted to give everyone an early Christmas present. She's been slaving away working on these and they turned out so cute! I immediately put one on my pillow. Let the holidays begin!

Wordle is AMAZING!

It's been a few months since I've written and I'm still workin on the whole losing weight thing. This was something that I learned in my technology class for Education majors. This is so much fun! We were requred to make a wordle about ourselves. You simply type in a bunch of words that describe yourself and then customize it to you! I thought it was pretty exciting. Click on this link. It's pretty awesome!

Feeling a Little Discouraged

I haven't written in a while and that's my bad. I've been doing pretty well working out and eating right for the most part. Always room fo, r improvement but I'm really proud of what I have done. I'm just discouraged that the weight isn't dropping off as quickly as I'd like it to. There was a time this year where I dropped ten pounds,m but realized that during finals week I gained it all back. Now I'm losing weight one pound at a time, but I'm still feeling like it's not actually dropping quickly enough. My goal was to lose two pant sizes, but I don't even know if I've lost one. I think I do when I try on my jeans, but then I try on a skirt that's the size that I want to be and it doesn't fit. Hm...

I know that I feel so much better when I do exercise. The blood pumping, using my body, increasing my endurance, and feeling more skilled in losing weight. I know I've lost inches, especially on my torso. I had a belt that has gone down at least two inches. That's progress. I guess I'm just starting to see myself getting older and my metabolism isn't as fast as it used to be. If only i saw my potential as a teenager.

Freedom!

This past year has been really interesting when it comes to my dating life. I feel like the Lord finally blessed me with some experiences. I didn't necessarily have a relationship with these fellas but it taught me a lot about myself, what is best for me, and what/who to watch out for. This last Spring I had a really intense experience but realized it was never going to work out, and I knew it from the beginning but I still held on and hoped that things would develop. The Lord had other plans. I feel like this past year has been so dramatic though that after I finally accepted the fact that I was not going to get together with this guy I felt so free! I don't need to be in a realationship, I don't need to be dating a lot of guys, I don't need my love life to be what makes me happy. I can make happiness and joy in myself and what I do with my life.

I guess I'm just feeling lonesome right now because this time last year I met this guy and he was my first kiss. I guess I'm just longing to be swooned and have someone interested in me. Oh well. I don't need that though. I'm happy and content with my life right now. That's all that matters.

I have to say, this might be the best summer that I've ever had, just because I have so much freedom! Yes!!!

Pic

I thought I'd add more pictures to my lovely blog to track my progress. This is a picture of me last summer when I tried out for The Biggest Loser. I personally think it's a cute picture.

My Personal Greek Siren

Gave in again...Darn you processed sugar!!!!!! Moderation though. Moderation. As long as I'm not bingeing that's what's important. I'm trying not to accept the offer of processed sugar all the time too. I respectfully decline...or I wait till the very last second when I'm on my way out the door to grab a cookie and quickly leave so there's no more temptation. I'm slowly learning new tricks. GO ME!

EXCITING NEWS!!!!

This week I've worked really hard to reach my goal of exercising at least four days. It was hard and I wanted to quit some days, but I just kept going. I found that I love doing the P90X Kenpo X (aka kickboxing). And I try to run when I can, as long as I don't sleep in too late. That's going to take some practice still. I'm really enjoying the different activities that make me want to exercise. Yeah baby!

I did meet my old foe this week...processed sugar...We had a stand off. Teasing me with homemade oreo cookies and chocolate moose cake with strawberries. Unfortunately I gave in a few days! NO!!!! This week though, I will ignore it's call like a Greek Siren and will resist its evil temptation.

Exciting news though. I LOST FIVE POUNDS!!! Yes! Success. My hard work has paid off. This was the boost that I needed to keep going. Yeah baby! I've got this. Can't wait till next week when I find out how much I lost.

5 miles

My parents have been gracious enough to let me eat at their place when I need to as long as I help out around the house. I figure it's a pretty good deal. I've decided to implace more cardio and to do such I'll jog over to their house and back. While I'm there I can lift weights with their machine to do some muscle toning and I can eat a little breakfast while I'm there. Today I jogged there and got some breakfast, I was so tired that I couldn't really do weights but I did jog back. I was a little slower and had a longer cooldown walk than normal, but I didn't want to push it too much. It's going to take some time to build up to the level of actually jogging and weight lifting. I am so happy with the results that I'm seeing though. I'll have to take a picture soon and add it to my blog so I can chart my progress visually. Yay! I'm so unbelievable happy with the progress that I've made. I'm excited to keep going.

PS-I weighed myself last night. I've gained some weight, but I'm pretty sure that's because I was sick and not really being active at all. I'm not letting it get to me though. It's the progress that I've seen within my body, how my clothes fit, and how I feel that really charts my progress.

P90X

For a few days I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law and I left my exercise clothes at home because I was I'm still getting over my cold. I didn't want to push myself too hard and have a relapse. My body has been craving a good jog though. I want to be outside sweating through my pores, breathing hard, getting that fabulous running high that makes me feel like I can do anything in the world!!! But I've been holding back...While visiting though we got out P90X, I just decided to use my pj's for exercise clothes. My bro put in an "easier" exercise. He said I could modify and do what I needed to do, that he struggled his first time doing the exercises and couldn't finish the workout and that's ok. I was a little nervous. I heard the workout is a killer! It actually wasn't a problem. I had a lot of fun, and it was fun doing it with my brother. He jokes around, makes funny noises, and made a load of fun. He was so cute with my niece getting her to help him stretch and jump around when we did.

I was so proud that I could do the whole workout on my first time. I'm definitely improving. I can tell a difference in myself and I'm so proud of the work I've done. My pants are starting to fit looser. I tried on the next size smaller and they almost fit! Yes! I can't wait to get out there and do sweat up a storm.

I've decided I'm going to try to up my cardio so I can loose two sizes this summer. I want to get my dad involved and so he can work on himself too. I'm going to jog to their house, go walking with my dad, and then jog home. That's almost three hours of cardio. HOLY CRAP! But I can do it. Hence why it's my own biggest loser summer.

Lacking In Progress...sickness

My goal to exercise has been halted due to sickness. Doesn't that always happen though? I know it happens to me. The thing that is different is that I 'm not going to lose sight of my goal even though I'm sick. Yes, I've taken a longer break from exercise than I wanted to, but when it comes to a cold, you do what you can. My cold kept getting worse, but now I'm on the upside. Even though I'm still pretty congested, I'm going to go for a walk tomorrow, on relatively flat ground, that way I don't have a coughing fit or something terrible when it comes to hills. And a little confession, I've eaten a ton of junk lately. Again, not getting down about, but changing. :) I feel really good about this summer, my work schedule is wide open during the week days and I can do all the things I have planned. O

h, I did have to buy a pair of jeans, my others were worn out. I bought it from a store that has cheaper jeans. I went down a pant size in that store. YAY!!!!! I'm stoked about that. Two more pant sizes to go and I'll be an ELATED girl! Skinnier me here I come!!!!

Day One...

Ok, today being my first day of Megan's Biggest Loser experience I started the day out right. I woke up and walk/jogged to my parents house. I'm not yet to the point that I can just jog the whole time, and even my jog is more like a trot. Hey, I'm starting somewhere though. It's about three miles to my parents to that wasn't too bad. I decided to ride my bike back to my apartment too. Most of it's down hill so there wasn't a lot of peddling involved, but it's something! I have a bike close by. As I was peddling in the flat areas though, I noticed that I'm in a little better shape than last summer. My legs weren't aching after a couple of blocks and my chest wasn't burning as bad from asthma. It was easier. Yes!!! That's awesome. Baby steps at a time. And my eating habit have been really good. I feel so positive about myself today. I'm excited to keep this up and develope myself further.

My Own Biggest Loser Experience: Starting NOW!

Last summer I applied for the Biggest Loser. I got pretty far. I made call backs. I met a director for the West area, they did an interview with me for the show. It was hard, I had devulge a lot of information, and they liked me and my story, they felt that I could go far, but there was a little snag...I didn't have a partner. BLAST! I was so sad. This last year I could have lost a hundred pounds and focused on changing myself to the beautiful woman I see in the mirror but because of the fear of failure I don't try hard enough. The work that goes into losing weight is gruling, but the heartache of being overweight is crushing to my soul. There are so many things that I want to experience in life! The only thing holding me back is me. That, my friends, is going to change.

I have many reasons to lose weight, the number one reason is to feel good about myself. I want to be able to walk down the street with confidence that people are jealous of! The only way to get confidence though is building it myself. I am a true believer of positive thinking. I'm not the most positive person, especially when it comes to me personally, but I want to be positive. I've decided that I need to build a positivity tower that will shine for all to see. When I start getting discouraged, tired, or down on myself, POSITIVITY THINKING BABY!

Another reason is to be healthy. Being healthy is important now and in the future. I've been carrying so much weight around physically and mentally it's time to purge that. I want to be healthy to live a long and rewarding life. Someday I want to have a family, but the only way that I can spend time and be with my family is to keep myself in shape. I want to have children someday and I do not want them to fall into the habits that I've started to develope. Those habits are about to be broken! I could drop weight quickly, and that's great, but only when I change myself with how I think, what I eat, and the habits I've formed when emotional is something that will make a big difference.

I want desperately to be in shape! I hate having to have limited options when shopping. Often times I have few stores that I enter to buy clothes and most of those stores I have to look for the biggest size possible, it's humiliating! Clothes my size are expensive too! I go through a pair of jeans every 4-6 months because of what I like to call "chub rub." It's so frustrating. I want to be able to go into a store with friends and exchange outfits and see how amazing we all look. I want to borrow things from my friends and show off my stuff. I want to be able to be in a crowd and have a guy check me out with desire instead of repulsion or be an attempt for a rebound. I'm sick of being the rebound girl. I want a guy to be attracted to me body and soul. No more back burner girl. I want to be the girl that the boys fight for!!! I want to date, have fun, and fall in love.

I didn't make The Biggest Loser, but I can be my own biggest loser. I can accomplish any goal I set forth doing. The summer is the perfect time to do it. Since January I've been working on going to the gym a couple of times a week. This last semester of school was a complete rollercoaster though being my first year back to college in four years, my grandmother passing away, and social drama. I didn't always spend as much time as I could in the gym but this is the summer for me to take care of myself. I don't have anything to distract me and I need to put me first right now. Start living my life. I'm going to be more dedicated to my goals to lose weight. Speaking of goals I better post them so ya'll can check up on me and my posts.

Megan's Biggest Loser Goals:

1. Exercise at a minimum 4 days a week
2. Walk/Jog 1+ miles
3. Find activities that I enjoy doing. (Hiking, bike riding, or sports of some sort)
4. Eat healthier (fruits and veggies)
5. BREAK THE ADDICTION TO SUGAR (It might taste good on the lips, but how does it feel on the hips?! Terrible, that's how it feels)

I know I can do this, and it's not going to come off as quick as the show (because I'm not exercising 8 hours a day) but I can do it. I want to lose two sizes by the time fall comes. I'm going to be one hot lady on campus! Even more important though, I'm going to learn to motivate myself, rely on my own will power, and accomplish this goal with the Lord by my side. For only through the Lord can this be possible.

I NEED YOU HELP! Please, if you can give any encouraging thoughts through this process would be appreciated. I need the moral support. You are fabulous. Time to lose some weight!

Camera Lost and Found

Over a year ago I went to a common grocery store, that creates quite a bit of traffic, to print off some pictures. I was there for a little bit. I had pictures from my camera, a cd, and other sources that I was getting pictures from, so I was there quite a while. There were several people around, one guy in particular that looked a little sketchy was hanging around looking at cameras from the amount of time I was there. When I had completed my little project I gathered my stuff together and stuffed them in my huge black purse. A Mary Poppins bag if you will. I lose things in it all the time. As I was walking away though, the sketchy guy bumped into my shoulder with the purse. We made the common aplogoies. I didn't think about it till over a week later. My camera was missing from my purse! I dumped it out. I ripped apart my bedroom. Dumped my other bags and purses. Text and called my family and friends. Nobody had seen it. *sigh* Alas, it was gone. I gave up on the fact that it was still with me. I shed a silent tear and grumbled everytime I missed a photo op. Sketchy guy must've taken it. Robbed me right then and there in the store. The other day I was going through a bag that I've used several times, even dumped out I'm sure. Well there it was. My dinky old camera. NO WAY! I screamed with excitement! How could this be? My long lost camera reunited with me! I am gloriously happy. I have to apologize though: Dear Sketchy Man. Where ever you are. Please forgive my judgmental thoughts for thinking you robbed me.

YAY FOR CAMERAS RETURNING!

Mom. She fixes everything!

Saturday night I visited my parents. I had to drop something off and stayed to chat with my mother. I told her about my drama. How my life feels out of control, I want to give more but I feel like I can't without overloading myself and shutting down. I told her about how I'm so sick of people. I feel that every time I'm around people I'm going to say something snarky and push them away. I'm really impatient in every possible way. What in the world is wrong with me?

She said exactly what I needed to hear: I'm overloaded. I'm working full time and going to school full time. I'm doing what I can to finish all my duties in life. With my calling I need to be patient with people. Not everyone is like me. I was raised with the gospel in every aspect of my life, I wanted to be involved with the church, I have a desire for it, and I want to serve to the best extent that I can. I'm judging others for not being like me. there is no way that they could be like me. Not everyone is going to work at the gospel like me, and some work even harder than me. I need to look and express love for what work they do. If I show love it will mean so much more to these girls than anything else. I also just can't give too much time to my calling. I have so little time myself that I can only do what I can. I'm not supposed to increase the testimonies of these girls, I am to show love and let the Spirit do the rest.

And I need to take a freaking chill pill and stop judging myself so harshly!!! I'm stressing over everything. I want to be superwoman, be able to work, go to school, get good grades, exercise everyday, have a healthy dating life, have a healthy social life, be involved in everything, and the list keeps going. I CAN'T DO IT!!!!! I need to calm down. Focus on the most important things. My life is going to take time. Right now I need to focus on school, work, exercising, and taking deep breaths. I need to be more positive. Find joy in the little things that I do accomplish. I'm doing a lot. I'm my own worst enemy, well it's time to change sides. I can do anything I put my mind to, and right now in my life and I need to focus on the bare necessities to keep me functioning.

Moms' know exactly what to say. They're amazing!

Am I Lost?

It's been an interesting month, that's for sure. To be honest, I feel as if I've lost myself a little. I know who I am, I know how I work, I know what works and what doesn't in myself, but I still feel lost. I guess I know that Satan is working really hard on me right now. I feel as if all the different struggles and fears that I have are hitting me pretty hard. I feel that I'm doing what I can to stay above water and I don't know what else to do. I know I want to give more of myself, but then I don't have the energy or moving desire to do it. I want to serve people, but then my old anxieties of judgment from other people come back to me.

I especially feel so guilty about my calling. I know I should be putting so much more effort in reaching out to the girls in need, but then I don't want to do it. I let myself get so busy that the only time I think and remember to do something is when I'm in class, at work, or in a position where I'm not able to help them. That's not even giving the full effort that I need to. I think about the gospel and I want to be so much more involved with my personal experience with my Savior, but again, I'm not putting in the effort needed. Just when I feel as if I'm coming around and putting forth the effort that I need to be, I feel the Spirit, I'm starting to feel happy, and then there's the mention of the ultimate goal and purpose of this life and I shut down. I throw up that wall. What is that about? I don't want to hear about it and I don't want to have to deal with it.

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes!

About two weeks ago I came down with a fabulous cold. It wasn't too bad, just a small head cold. I took things easy, I ate as healthy as I could, and took medacine to help get this sickness out of my system...well, suprise! Either I got another cold or this cold was a sleeping monster. I feel like it's playing head, shoulders, knees and toes with my body. Starts with my head, travels to my shoulders (also known as chest) and sends aches and pains to my knees and toes. Once I feel like this cycle is has gone through my whole body, the cycle starts over again. Goodness, sickness sure can send the body into quite a frenzy. I tried to push myself to go to work today, but sometimes the body can't handle the weakness. I slept for over ten hours, not peacefully though. It was like I was in a drugged sleep. My head felt like a bowling ball, ready to to fall off my shoulders. My chest feels like a ton of bricks are hefted onto it. I can't get the pain and tightness to ease. Ugh.

LAPTOP!

The past few years I've been using a laptop that I got for free from my dad. It was a "hand me down" that was mostly in the scrap pile for parts. He picked up what he needed (with permission) and built it up for me. I was very grateful. It was a little slow and out of date, but it worked.

This last semester it decided that it was on it's last leg. It didn't function on the internet except for the simplest functions. Technology has made bounds and leaps since my laptop was born and it can't keep up. I had countless papers corrupted by the poor dear. I almost threw the thing out the window! So many stressful nights over a paper that was "b-s"ing and couldn't remember all the details I had already put into it. UGH!!! It got the the point that it would take ten minutes for it to simply load.

I was done. I got a new one today, and boy was I impatient. I could've found better deals online, but I desperately WANTED it today. I bought one. It's beautiful with a large colorful screen, great hardware, beautiful sound, works incredibly fast, among other things. Over Thanksgiving break I downloaded 6GB of music that I had saved to my external hard drive to my old laptop, yeah...two and a half hours later of my life (and disappeared one month later). Today I put over 10GB of music on my new laptop...Yeah...2 to 5 min. I love this beautiful piece of technology.

*Sigh*