!!!!!STRESS!!!!!

Ok, apparently I've been super stressed the past couple of weeks. I thought I was handling everything fine. C'mon, it's just life. My work schedule changed so I have more time to do what I want to do during the day. This is fabulous. I can chill, read books, watch tv, go on walks, play with friends...you know, all that fun stuff.

My mind has been racing though. What about school? What are my classes again? Why hasn't my financial aid come through? What if I don't get financial aid? Where am I going to live? What if it's not a good neighborhood? What if my ward sucks? If I move to North Orem will I be too far away from anyone to do anything? Are my roommates going to help deep clean the house? What if they don't? What if Ben thinks we are total flakes? Am I overloading myself with working about 60 hours and going to school full time? What if I don't get into my program? I don't want to have to wait another year to get into my program!!! My brother and sister are moving, when am I going to have time and money to visit them and see my adorable niece? How am I going to afford this, that, and inbetween?!!!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!! MORE MORE MORE!!!

Obviously too many things are going through my head. Despite having more free time, my mind is causing my body to get super super sick. I've had a cold now for over a week. And it sucks. I keep thinking I'm on the tail end, just a stuffy nose, cough, and voice loss. Nope, today I woke up with the headache caused from colds. Ugh!!! Last week I had hives on my legs. I now have a cold sore forming on my lip. Great first impression at my new ward, I have a cold sore and it's disgusting. "Hi, I'm so and so...would you mind looking at my eyes instead of this huge sore protruding from my mouth?"

I need to calm down...focus on one thing at a time...Maybe convince my brother to give me a massage or something...Don't let life overwhelm me.

Sometimes I feel that's all life is sometimes. So many different things pulling me apart. Causing: !!!!!STRESS!!!!!

"Please use me to your satisfaction"

My dear friend, Mackenzie, posted on her blog pretty much everything I wanted to say. It's about "The Game" we play as single people trying to find love...I'm going to refer to the physical satisfaction to get us by for the time being.

I experienced, again, a guy wanting to use me for his physical needs. Excuse me?! No way. This has happened to me countless times. I don't know what it is. Seriously. I'm super guarded usually and rarely flirt with guys for fear that this might happen. I think I have a sign on my forehead that says: "Please use me to your satisfaction." This guys is the second guy this month to flatter me, seem interested, ask me "to do something", and then try to put the moves on me (by moves I mean try to make out and feel me up). He even had the guts to say, "It's ok. It's not like we're going to do anything you have to see your bishop for." Whoa!!! What a pig! I'm no that kind of girl.

Here's another situation that happens to me ALL THE TIME. I meet a guy. We have a conversation. He seems like a nice guy. We have a couple of other conversations throughout a period of time. He makes it seem that he is really talking to me to talk to me. Nope. Wrong. He's using me to get to my roommates or friends. The curse of having cute friends. I've gotten to the point where I tell the guy that if he wants to get to know her or ask her out, he can do it himself. And that's where our conversations end. He has no desire to talk to me anymore. Hello! I'm not the go between. If the only reason he's talking to me is for that, I'd rather not talk to him at all. This makes me feel like a complete idiot, undesirable as a woman, and not even worthy of an genuine conversation.

I don't understand how this always happens to me. I'm just the girl who guys want to NCMO or be the go between. Man up! Sorry, this might be more of an angry post. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I've been blessed with a few guy friends that seem genuine. One even called me out on how distrustful and hesitant I was being around him. Can you blame me? I'm grateful to those that think of me as a real person and not a female toy to be messed with. Thank you.

If you'd like to refer to the Dating game rules, please click on Mackenzie's blog. She has it displayed to perfection.