Saturday night I visited my parents. I had to drop something off and stayed to chat with my mother. I told her about my drama. How my life feels out of control, I want to give more but I feel like I can't without overloading myself and shutting down. I told her about how I'm so sick of people. I feel that every time I'm around people I'm going to say something snarky and push them away. I'm really impatient in every possible way. What in the world is wrong with me?
She said exactly what I needed to hear: I'm overloaded. I'm working full time and going to school full time. I'm doing what I can to finish all my duties in life. With my calling I need to be patient with people. Not everyone is like me. I was raised with the gospel in every aspect of my life, I wanted to be involved with the church, I have a desire for it, and I want to serve to the best extent that I can. I'm judging others for not being like me. there is no way that they could be like me. Not everyone is going to work at the gospel like me, and some work even harder than me. I need to look and express love for what work they do. If I show love it will mean so much more to these girls than anything else. I also just can't give too much time to my calling. I have so little time myself that I can only do what I can. I'm not supposed to increase the testimonies of these girls, I am to show love and let the Spirit do the rest.
And I need to take a freaking chill pill and stop judging myself so harshly!!! I'm stressing over everything. I want to be superwoman, be able to work, go to school, get good grades, exercise everyday, have a healthy dating life, have a healthy social life, be involved in everything, and the list keeps going. I CAN'T DO IT!!!!! I need to calm down. Focus on the most important things. My life is going to take time. Right now I need to focus on school, work, exercising, and taking deep breaths. I need to be more positive. Find joy in the little things that I do accomplish. I'm doing a lot. I'm my own worst enemy, well it's time to change sides. I can do anything I put my mind to, and right now in my life and I need to focus on the bare necessities to keep me functioning.
Moms' know exactly what to say. They're amazing!
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So, it's been over a month since you posted. I know I see you on a relatively regular basis, but I sometimes enjoy your stories without my constant interruptions, capeesh? Update or else!
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