Lacking In Progress...sickness

My goal to exercise has been halted due to sickness. Doesn't that always happen though? I know it happens to me. The thing that is different is that I 'm not going to lose sight of my goal even though I'm sick. Yes, I've taken a longer break from exercise than I wanted to, but when it comes to a cold, you do what you can. My cold kept getting worse, but now I'm on the upside. Even though I'm still pretty congested, I'm going to go for a walk tomorrow, on relatively flat ground, that way I don't have a coughing fit or something terrible when it comes to hills. And a little confession, I've eaten a ton of junk lately. Again, not getting down about, but changing. :) I feel really good about this summer, my work schedule is wide open during the week days and I can do all the things I have planned. O

h, I did have to buy a pair of jeans, my others were worn out. I bought it from a store that has cheaper jeans. I went down a pant size in that store. YAY!!!!! I'm stoked about that. Two more pant sizes to go and I'll be an ELATED girl! Skinnier me here I come!!!!

Day One...

Ok, today being my first day of Megan's Biggest Loser experience I started the day out right. I woke up and walk/jogged to my parents house. I'm not yet to the point that I can just jog the whole time, and even my jog is more like a trot. Hey, I'm starting somewhere though. It's about three miles to my parents to that wasn't too bad. I decided to ride my bike back to my apartment too. Most of it's down hill so there wasn't a lot of peddling involved, but it's something! I have a bike close by. As I was peddling in the flat areas though, I noticed that I'm in a little better shape than last summer. My legs weren't aching after a couple of blocks and my chest wasn't burning as bad from asthma. It was easier. Yes!!! That's awesome. Baby steps at a time. And my eating habit have been really good. I feel so positive about myself today. I'm excited to keep this up and develope myself further.

My Own Biggest Loser Experience: Starting NOW!

Last summer I applied for the Biggest Loser. I got pretty far. I made call backs. I met a director for the West area, they did an interview with me for the show. It was hard, I had devulge a lot of information, and they liked me and my story, they felt that I could go far, but there was a little snag...I didn't have a partner. BLAST! I was so sad. This last year I could have lost a hundred pounds and focused on changing myself to the beautiful woman I see in the mirror but because of the fear of failure I don't try hard enough. The work that goes into losing weight is gruling, but the heartache of being overweight is crushing to my soul. There are so many things that I want to experience in life! The only thing holding me back is me. That, my friends, is going to change.

I have many reasons to lose weight, the number one reason is to feel good about myself. I want to be able to walk down the street with confidence that people are jealous of! The only way to get confidence though is building it myself. I am a true believer of positive thinking. I'm not the most positive person, especially when it comes to me personally, but I want to be positive. I've decided that I need to build a positivity tower that will shine for all to see. When I start getting discouraged, tired, or down on myself, POSITIVITY THINKING BABY!

Another reason is to be healthy. Being healthy is important now and in the future. I've been carrying so much weight around physically and mentally it's time to purge that. I want to be healthy to live a long and rewarding life. Someday I want to have a family, but the only way that I can spend time and be with my family is to keep myself in shape. I want to have children someday and I do not want them to fall into the habits that I've started to develope. Those habits are about to be broken! I could drop weight quickly, and that's great, but only when I change myself with how I think, what I eat, and the habits I've formed when emotional is something that will make a big difference.

I want desperately to be in shape! I hate having to have limited options when shopping. Often times I have few stores that I enter to buy clothes and most of those stores I have to look for the biggest size possible, it's humiliating! Clothes my size are expensive too! I go through a pair of jeans every 4-6 months because of what I like to call "chub rub." It's so frustrating. I want to be able to go into a store with friends and exchange outfits and see how amazing we all look. I want to borrow things from my friends and show off my stuff. I want to be able to be in a crowd and have a guy check me out with desire instead of repulsion or be an attempt for a rebound. I'm sick of being the rebound girl. I want a guy to be attracted to me body and soul. No more back burner girl. I want to be the girl that the boys fight for!!! I want to date, have fun, and fall in love.

I didn't make The Biggest Loser, but I can be my own biggest loser. I can accomplish any goal I set forth doing. The summer is the perfect time to do it. Since January I've been working on going to the gym a couple of times a week. This last semester of school was a complete rollercoaster though being my first year back to college in four years, my grandmother passing away, and social drama. I didn't always spend as much time as I could in the gym but this is the summer for me to take care of myself. I don't have anything to distract me and I need to put me first right now. Start living my life. I'm going to be more dedicated to my goals to lose weight. Speaking of goals I better post them so ya'll can check up on me and my posts.

Megan's Biggest Loser Goals:

1. Exercise at a minimum 4 days a week
2. Walk/Jog 1+ miles
3. Find activities that I enjoy doing. (Hiking, bike riding, or sports of some sort)
4. Eat healthier (fruits and veggies)
5. BREAK THE ADDICTION TO SUGAR (It might taste good on the lips, but how does it feel on the hips?! Terrible, that's how it feels)

I know I can do this, and it's not going to come off as quick as the show (because I'm not exercising 8 hours a day) but I can do it. I want to lose two sizes by the time fall comes. I'm going to be one hot lady on campus! Even more important though, I'm going to learn to motivate myself, rely on my own will power, and accomplish this goal with the Lord by my side. For only through the Lord can this be possible.

I NEED YOU HELP! Please, if you can give any encouraging thoughts through this process would be appreciated. I need the moral support. You are fabulous. Time to lose some weight!

Camera Lost and Found

Over a year ago I went to a common grocery store, that creates quite a bit of traffic, to print off some pictures. I was there for a little bit. I had pictures from my camera, a cd, and other sources that I was getting pictures from, so I was there quite a while. There were several people around, one guy in particular that looked a little sketchy was hanging around looking at cameras from the amount of time I was there. When I had completed my little project I gathered my stuff together and stuffed them in my huge black purse. A Mary Poppins bag if you will. I lose things in it all the time. As I was walking away though, the sketchy guy bumped into my shoulder with the purse. We made the common aplogoies. I didn't think about it till over a week later. My camera was missing from my purse! I dumped it out. I ripped apart my bedroom. Dumped my other bags and purses. Text and called my family and friends. Nobody had seen it. *sigh* Alas, it was gone. I gave up on the fact that it was still with me. I shed a silent tear and grumbled everytime I missed a photo op. Sketchy guy must've taken it. Robbed me right then and there in the store. The other day I was going through a bag that I've used several times, even dumped out I'm sure. Well there it was. My dinky old camera. NO WAY! I screamed with excitement! How could this be? My long lost camera reunited with me! I am gloriously happy. I have to apologize though: Dear Sketchy Man. Where ever you are. Please forgive my judgmental thoughts for thinking you robbed me.

YAY FOR CAMERAS RETURNING!

Mom. She fixes everything!

Saturday night I visited my parents. I had to drop something off and stayed to chat with my mother. I told her about my drama. How my life feels out of control, I want to give more but I feel like I can't without overloading myself and shutting down. I told her about how I'm so sick of people. I feel that every time I'm around people I'm going to say something snarky and push them away. I'm really impatient in every possible way. What in the world is wrong with me?

She said exactly what I needed to hear: I'm overloaded. I'm working full time and going to school full time. I'm doing what I can to finish all my duties in life. With my calling I need to be patient with people. Not everyone is like me. I was raised with the gospel in every aspect of my life, I wanted to be involved with the church, I have a desire for it, and I want to serve to the best extent that I can. I'm judging others for not being like me. there is no way that they could be like me. Not everyone is going to work at the gospel like me, and some work even harder than me. I need to look and express love for what work they do. If I show love it will mean so much more to these girls than anything else. I also just can't give too much time to my calling. I have so little time myself that I can only do what I can. I'm not supposed to increase the testimonies of these girls, I am to show love and let the Spirit do the rest.

And I need to take a freaking chill pill and stop judging myself so harshly!!! I'm stressing over everything. I want to be superwoman, be able to work, go to school, get good grades, exercise everyday, have a healthy dating life, have a healthy social life, be involved in everything, and the list keeps going. I CAN'T DO IT!!!!! I need to calm down. Focus on the most important things. My life is going to take time. Right now I need to focus on school, work, exercising, and taking deep breaths. I need to be more positive. Find joy in the little things that I do accomplish. I'm doing a lot. I'm my own worst enemy, well it's time to change sides. I can do anything I put my mind to, and right now in my life and I need to focus on the bare necessities to keep me functioning.

Moms' know exactly what to say. They're amazing!

Am I Lost?

It's been an interesting month, that's for sure. To be honest, I feel as if I've lost myself a little. I know who I am, I know how I work, I know what works and what doesn't in myself, but I still feel lost. I guess I know that Satan is working really hard on me right now. I feel as if all the different struggles and fears that I have are hitting me pretty hard. I feel that I'm doing what I can to stay above water and I don't know what else to do. I know I want to give more of myself, but then I don't have the energy or moving desire to do it. I want to serve people, but then my old anxieties of judgment from other people come back to me.

I especially feel so guilty about my calling. I know I should be putting so much more effort in reaching out to the girls in need, but then I don't want to do it. I let myself get so busy that the only time I think and remember to do something is when I'm in class, at work, or in a position where I'm not able to help them. That's not even giving the full effort that I need to. I think about the gospel and I want to be so much more involved with my personal experience with my Savior, but again, I'm not putting in the effort needed. Just when I feel as if I'm coming around and putting forth the effort that I need to be, I feel the Spirit, I'm starting to feel happy, and then there's the mention of the ultimate goal and purpose of this life and I shut down. I throw up that wall. What is that about? I don't want to hear about it and I don't want to have to deal with it.

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes!

About two weeks ago I came down with a fabulous cold. It wasn't too bad, just a small head cold. I took things easy, I ate as healthy as I could, and took medacine to help get this sickness out of my system...well, suprise! Either I got another cold or this cold was a sleeping monster. I feel like it's playing head, shoulders, knees and toes with my body. Starts with my head, travels to my shoulders (also known as chest) and sends aches and pains to my knees and toes. Once I feel like this cycle is has gone through my whole body, the cycle starts over again. Goodness, sickness sure can send the body into quite a frenzy. I tried to push myself to go to work today, but sometimes the body can't handle the weakness. I slept for over ten hours, not peacefully though. It was like I was in a drugged sleep. My head felt like a bowling ball, ready to to fall off my shoulders. My chest feels like a ton of bricks are hefted onto it. I can't get the pain and tightness to ease. Ugh.